How to train your Maid
by LotusRoseBlossom
Summary: Alfred F. Jones is a rich (lonely) millionaire. One day he inexplicable finds himself buying a RoboMaid, made to look like a real life Japanese maid. It's name? Kiku Honda What happens when Alfred finds himself wanting more than Kiku's cooking and cleaning? And what does Kiku do when Alfred suggests something that isn't in his job description? Ameripan! With various other pairings
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Hello~ I know I should probably update 'Game Of Chase' but I got clobbered with this idea that would not quit nagging me to write it down, so I did [. . .] It kind of spiraled out of control. . . So, now I'm finding myself writing this . . . Oh, well :) Read on, if you please!**

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_Beep, Beep! La, la, la do do do. . ._

The electronic little tune sounded again, alerting him of the death of his character. Blue eyes looked blearily up at the Interfaces' screen that flashed warnings at him. His glasses rested precariously on his nose. He yawned, almost overpowered by his sleepiness. He'd stayed up almost all night playing MultiPlay, because he'd been too scared to fall asleep after watching a horror movie. He shuddered, remembering and checked suspiciously behind him.

Nope, all clear.

Just making sure . . .

But because he'd been up all night, he was sleep deprived now. Even thought it was already noon he felt so tired. And he was so warm under the big blanket he had on. He snuggled, burrowing himself further into the warmth.

Well, maybe he could sleep just a little longer. . .

_Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na. . . ._

His eyes snapped open, his body jerking. He sat up looking around. Wha-?

Oh, right.

He picked up the control panel, his fingers moving expertly over the game console. After scrolling and flicking some things, the game image disappeared replaced with the **MENU **screen.

He switched over to flip through channels, hoping to find _something_ that could keep him awake.

_What to watch. . ._

His stomach rumbled. Loudly.

God, Alfred _hated _Sundays.

He sighed heavily, getting up grudgingly, tossing the panel onto the couch. He walked towards his kitchen groaning and stretching. As he passed, the Curtains beeped and rose revealing the bright sun.

"Arghhh," he groaned half-heartedly, shielding his face with his hand. He maneuvered around the maze that was his 'Home'. Even though he had, like, a million rooms in his Mansion, he rarely used them opting for the Big Comfy Couch (Number 5). He only ever used the other rooms in his Castle when he threw his huge, epic, loud parties, with tons of alcohol and waking up to find people passed out all over the place. Ah, good times. . .

He walked into his big industrial kitchen, the lights dimming on, sensing his entrance.

'_Good morning, Sir,'_

The slightly feminine robotic and mechanical voice greeted him. It made him smile, albeit sleepily.

"G'mornin', Betty," he yawned.

'_Long night, Sir?'_

"Yeah," he said opening the Fridge and rummaging through; poking his head in. "I thought I told you to drop the 'Sir', Betts?"

'_Yes, Alfred,'_

Alfred grinned, closing the door, deciding on going out to McDonalds' for breakfast.

"Thanks, Betty," he said, turning to walk away, "I'm going out."

'_I'll set the security alarms,'_

"What would I do without ya', Betts?"

Yeah, he just had a conversation with his kitchen. It got lonely, he supposed. He sighed going back to his make-shift 'Room' to get his bomber jacket.

**_Yes, sir, you heard right! It can do anything! From cuisine to labor to childcare, this RoboMaid can get any job done, big or small! Made form light weight material, it has the likeness of a real live maid! Call the number at the bottom of the screen for more information on how to purchase your very own Robotic Housemaid, but you better hurry, these babies are going fast! You can choose whatever design you want, or make your own personal style, all this for the crazy price of 18,000! That price doesn't come everyday! So call 1800 555-5739! If you call now you receive a . . . _**

Alfred glanced at the screen from his spot behind the couch. Where was his jacket? That would be nice to get, a maid to do all his jobs for him. He chuckled. Yeah, that sure would be nice. . .

**_. . . and, of course, here are some of our pricier Prototypes, the Vash Neutral, or VN model, a rather silent one that will receive orders without a peep, and as a bonus, protect your household of any intrusions and invasions. And it's great with children! It comes pre-programmed with a Switzerland accent, but you may rewire as you see fit. Our next is a truly British gentleman, the. . ._**

Ah-ha! There it was! Alfred grabbed it with a triumphant expression on his face. Now, where were his keys . . .?

**_. . . So the Feli is great with children but the Roma should be kept away from them, they might pick up on his bad manners, but both can cook incredible Italian food! Now the last, and most expensive, of them all is the quiet yet adorable Japanese model, Kiku Recluse! _**

Alfred looked up. Japanese maid . . .?

**_Yes, it can truly bear the title Housemaid! It does everything quickly and efficiently. And it's as quiet as a mouse! You won't even notice it! It speaks both English and Japanese, yes it's bilingual, and will do as it's told, without daring to disobey orders. It is programmed to sense the mood and refrain from speaking, as well as respond with a 'Hai, goshuujin-sama' and welcome its 'Master' with an 'Okaerinasaimase, goshuujin-sama', as you can see, it is very polite! It has respect for its 'Master', and complete loyalty as well! It's like having your own personal real authentic maid without having to pay it for its job! As you can clearly see, it's no wonder it's our most expensive model! You can't find a more skilled Robot Housemaid on the market! But since it so well trained, we only have this one available, at the moment! So, if you want your own to have and collect, now is your once in a life-time chance! Call right this instant! That number again is. . ._**

Alfred's eye twitched. Once in a life-time chance? Only one available?

Must . . . have. . . RoboMaid!

He practically lunged at the Receiver. He pushed the **Maneuver **button. A long _beep _sounded.

Come oooooooon! Hurry up, he thought furiously, hopping from foot to foot, staring at the screen, or more accurately, staring at the blank eyed small Japanese maid on display blinking Its dark chocolate eyes. So small, yet he could tell It was graceful and lithe. He wanted it . . . so bad.

No, he _needed_ it.

'_Would you like to make a call, sir?'_

He looked away and focused on the phone in the wall. It was a small rectangle in the wall, the size of a cereal box, with a digital touch surface. He could talk face to face with any one in the world, if he wanted, but right now, he needed to make a phone call.

"Hey, Betts, can you call the Robotic Housemaid people for me, its _super_ urgent!" he said, aware he sounded like a little kid begging for ice cream.

'_Right away, sir,'_

"Thanks, Betty, you're the best!"

_Brring_

_. . ._

_Brring_

_. . ._

_*click*_

**{Hello?}**

The small words filled the screen. The icon for **Speak Command **and** Type Command** popped up. He debated, biting his lip. He tapped the **Speak Command**, knowing he was too excited to type right now.

"Yes, hello. I'm calling about the RoboMaid Commercial. I'd like to purchase the last one, the Kiki Recluse one, please."

As he spoke the words appeared on screen he clicked **Send** and waited. He hated waiting.

**{Ah, our model 7-89, yes? Ok, that will cost you 20,000 bligens}**

So much? he thought, Damn. . .

No! He shook his head. It didn't matter the cost! He just wanted it! He nodded, determined.

"Okay, then. I'll pay."

He got his answer almost immediately.

**{Very good. Then we just need your name and address to send the model too}**

Yes!

He pumped his fist in the air. Alright!

"Okay then! The names Alfred. Alfred F. Jones."

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**AN: Wow, is it just me or was that the longest chapter I've ever written? *feelsproud* So, in case you didn't notice it's set in a kind of futuristic world-ish. . Yeah Either way, hope that didn't suck to much, and you at least kind of enjoyed it~ I kind of got a craving for an Apple Pie from good ol' Mickey D's when I was writing this for some odd reason Cx Lawl **

**Review please! **

**-LotusApplePie**


	2. Chapter 2

**My gosh, I have emerged from the land of the dead! Yeah, I know I post a new story then neglect it for _weeks_ then come back begging forgiveness. . . I'm sorry seriously, I thought I would never have time but I plopped myself down and said to myself: "I will not move from here until I have written _something _for this" and I did! Yay~ Well I hope y'all enjoy this and whatnot. . . Oh! I forgot. . .**

**Disclaimer: I Don't own anything but the idea for this Fanfic **

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The drone of machinery filled the air. Converter belts whispered by, carrying spare parts. It was quiet, none of the workers below talked. They all mechanically assembled together, not even glancing at one another. And even though the warehouse was as big as an entire football field, it was deathly quiet. It was creepy how none of the 300 employees spoke.

_Why would they?_ _They can't do anything without a command, _thought a man ruefully studying the men and women work from a high balcony. He watched how they all worked automatically, their eyes blank. He hated how emotionless and bleak the place was, the walls gray and blank. It just added to the creepiness. He shuddered. It was so, so _inhuman._

He shook his head. Well it wasn't his problem. He was just getting paid to report back to Masutā. His stomach turned at the thought of facing _Him. _He had to report to _Him _every month. _He _was the one who did this. _He _was the one who inserted the ship into the brains of these innocent people. _He_ was the one who forced him to do this. And it was_ him _who could kill him at the wave of a delicate hand. He swallowed hard. No, he had nothing to fear everything was going as planned; _He _would have no reason to punish him.

He began to tremble slightly at the thought of another 'Session' as _He_ called it.

_Everything is okay, you'll be fine . . ._ he chanted over and over in his mind, wringing his hands together.

_1 . . . . 2 . . . . 3 Deep breathes . . . 4. . .5. . .6. . ._

"Sir?"

He was startled out of his thoughts by a young _Nanoko._ She had blank eyes, just like the rest, except hers were green, a faded glazed over green and bright red hair. He felt a pang in his heart as he studied her young face. She couldn't be more than 12 with freckles forming a line across her nose, like a bridge over her milky white skin, white because of the many months below ground with no sunlight.

_Who were you before? Did you believe in a better world before coming to this hell?_

"Yes?" he said gruffly, embarrassed by his feelings for this dumb slow Nano. What was wrong with him? Even if she understood what he felt, she wouldn't be able to say anything but what she was programmed to say. He was wasting his time worrying over her.

"Master summons you," with that she bows and goes away, having done as she was told to do.

He felt his blood run cold, and his heart begin to race. Already? So soon?

He runs a hand through his hair as he walks to the Panagram, a huge glass cylinder machine. It had a control panel and that let him travel to Master whenever he was summoned.

"Open"

He grits his teeth. Damn, his voice shook. He cleared his throat. The clear glass panel slid opened. He stepped in. It closed behind him.

'_Command location?'_

"Masters," he whispered.

'_Enter code to access'_

He nodded as the small **SCREEN** appeared on the heat sensitive screen. He quickly typed in his code. He clicked **Enter. **He waited as It processed his finger prints. Then a message appeared:

**{Cleared}**

A series of beeps sounded, before a quiet hissing filled the air. He stood absolutely still. A whirring, his ears popped as his body began to feel weightless. He shut his eyes against the bright flash of light. His stomach dropped as he travel through time and space, faster than the speed of light. He grimaced as the air finally settled. The whirring stopped.

*Ping!*

'_Arrived at destination'_

He blinked his eyes open. Before he had been in the Warehouse, now he was in a beautifully crafted room. It was graceful and humble yet you couldn't mistake the air of _money _the room was surrounded in.

*Ping, Ping!*

'_Cleared for exit'_

He pressed the **Open **button shakily. The clear glass slid open once again. He stepped out nervously; he was never sure how he would be received in Masters House.

"Oh? You seem to have lost some weight, Ko."

Ko spun around at the quiet elegant voice that was Masters. He looked at Him fearfully. He had learned not to be fooled by that sweet almost caring voice. He had his back to Ko, as he faced the Hologram. He made the images move by flicking his hand.

"Have you lost respect for me, Ko?" he asked, choosing one of the moving pictures.

Ko flinched, "N-no, of course not, Master."

"Mmm," he hummed mock thoughtfully. "Then why do you not bow to me?"

Ko gasped in shock. Stupid, stupid! He forgot to do the one thing he absolutely must do, if he wanted to live.

He threw himself to his knees.

"I-I'm sorry!" he cried bowing his head all the way to the floor. "Forgive me!"

Ko shut his eyes, waiting for the signal that would end his life. . .

He blinked in surprise when he heard Master laugh delicately.

"Ko, ko," he said chastised him. "Your name fits you well; you truly are a child."

He raised his head in surprise. "Master?"

He looked at him over his shoulder, "Get up, Ko, I didn't summon you so you would make a fool of yourself."

He rose warily, slowly.

"Come, come," beckoned Master in slight annoyance. "I won't bite you," he said.

Ko comes forward quickly, least he make Master angry.

Master turned back to the Hologram. "Do you have the results I asked for?"

He nodded and quickly took out his Opex. He taps **Power On. **The **MENU **appears. He opens a Dox labeled 'Sōsa: Otōto Itoshii'. He double clicks it with the **Clicker **then drags it onto the Hologram.

Master studies closely.

"Are these results accurate?"

"Y-yes"

"Hmm," he reads through it, scrolling down with his eyes. When he gets to the near the end he stops.

Ko fidgets with the hem of his clothes.

"Ko?"

"Y-Yes?"

"What is this?"

Ko knows what he means. He shuts his eyes for a second, fearful of the reaction he would get.

"I-it wasn't s-supposed t-to go near," he stuttered, scared. _Oh, please. . . _

"Then why did it happen?" His voice was low and carefully neutral and calm, but Ko knew, he just _knew_, he was enraged.

"I-I d-don't k-"

A beautiful ceramic vase shattered. Ko jumped at the sound, his pale gray eyes widened. The rumors of Masters powers were true then.

"Why did you allow it?" his voice still calm, but his eyes were on fire. He turned to him. Ko froze under that gaze. He say himself reflected.

"Speak!"

He flinched, "I-I-I do-"

"Don't stutter," he commanded firmly, irritation creeping into his voice.

"I, uh, I mean,"

"Oh, never mind!"

He turned back around. Ko went limp; relief flooded him, free from that cold calculating gaze. It was quiet for a while. He shifted from foot to foot, unnerved by the silence.

"Does He remember anything?"

"Eh?" he asked, confused.

"Does. He. Remember. Anything?" he asked slowly, crossly. "Must you be so slow?" he said exasperated.

"No, no. We don't think so."

"You don't think so?" Calm, serene, composed. Lethal.

"W-well It shows no signs-"

"_You_ don't _think so?_"

He paused, petrified. His next words would decide his fate.

"No"

"Oh, ko," he said, almost regretfully. "And I was actually starting to tolerate you."

"What do-?"

"I am no longer in need of your services, Akira." He said simply. As if he was merely deciding what have for dinner. Just so.

"I- I don't understand, Master"

"Dispose of him,"

Ko's heart stopped. _What . . .?_

"No. . ."

The bright humble room darkened. A heavy swirl of black began to envelope Ko. He looked around with a terrified look in his eyes. A desperation.

"No, no! Master, no! Please!"

He shrieked loudly as the swirling mass fell on him. It swarmed around him; he felt his skin boil and burn. He opened his mouth in a loud scream. The blackness entered. He chocked. Through slitted eyes he saw Master standing indifferently, looking at him with a look of slight amusement in his red eyes.

"Sleep well, Ko," he cooed.

His eyes brimmed with tears.

"_Sleep well. . ."_

: : :

The dark shadows dispersed. He stood over the crumpled figure of his former servant.

"Shame," he sighed.

He looked at the young man's face. He was no older than seventeen, eighteen maybe. His face was relaxed, his gray eyes closed. He looked almost peaceful. Young, too young.

"Minoru,"

A small Nano appeared at the door.

"Call for the _Isha_," he said, not once looking away from the young boy's face.

"_Hai_"

He heard a patter of feet.

He gazed at his servant for a while then whispered, "Second chances, right? Very well I shall grant you a second chance. This once."

He turned to his Hologram. The page was still there.

_Subject: 91743D_

_Under: Induced coma_

_Age: 20_

_Status: Brief period of lucidness._

_Expire date: Undecided_

_Report: Patient was awoken from Induced coma for an hour on the date XXX. He regained sufficient consciousness to send an SOS Signal. Thus, giving police warrant searching of Warehouse. . ._

He grits his teeth in anger. He clenches his fist. Had he remembered anything? Who did he the SOS to? He could have done so much in that small amount of time! He sighed in exasperation. Oh well, what was done was done, all that mattered was his plan was already in action. he grinned and unclenched his fist. he switched the image. Another image appeared, a camera view of a cell appeared he zoomed in on one particular cell. his grin grew as he saw Him lying weak on the cell ground. he looked small and defenseless.

"Oh, how _weak _you look," he squealed enjoying his pain. "It serves you right, thinking of going against me, _me_!" he giggled his eyes alight with a maniac glee. "Soon I shall have my revenge."

He looked as the figure on the grayish screen lifted his head and struggled to his hands and knees. Even from here he could see Him struggle.

"Soon," he cooed stroking the screen.

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**Twisted, eh? Yeah, I figured I needed a villain, so: Ta-da! I give you. . .I give you. . . OK I still don't know who this bad guy will be, BUT! Never fear, he _will _be evil and deranged and crazy and _all_ that good stuff! I rushed the end a little, can you tell? Ah, well. . . By the way Ko is an OCC of mine, but don't worry he won't have that big a role in this story, I just needed someone Bad Guy could torture, so yeah. . . Evil! Author :3**

**Reviews!~**

**rjanarielle: Yay first reviewer! Thank you!~ I hope this is to your liking and you keep reading!**

**Nihao: *giggle* Konnichiwa, Nihao!~ . . . Sorry lame joke is lame. . . *cough* but seriously thanks for the complement, I honestly got the idea out no where and the plot isn't even fully developed yet. . . *sweat drop* but thanks anyway. . .**

**OrdinaryXtreme: Aww thanks dear reviewer! And yes I agree! not enough Ameripan out there! Ameripans UNITE!**

**Yesh , so this is my sad lame attempt at chapter two. . . Hope you like it! Well, the weathers been pretty crazy, eh? Yup. . . **

**Review!**

**-LotusTwistedAuthor**


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